How do you feel about change?
Are you someone who enjoys change or fears it?
Do you like things the way they were? There’s nothing wrong with liking what you have created for yourself in the present moment. But what we fail to understand as humans is that we cling to a past, that no longer exists.
What you are clinging to is a memory. A story you created that is embedded in your mind and often body.
But it’s gone. It’s a ghost in the system.
You’re clinging to a ghost (the story) of a ghost (the past) of a ghost (your mind) that is warping your experience of the present and creating a ghost (fear) that you’re projecting into the future (another ghost, as the future doesn’t exist either).
So, what you are clinging to only exists in memory. But, who or what is doing the clinging?
You mind, body or spirit?
By now, you should know that the only culprit of the 3 part system you call you, is the mind.
The mind created the memory and now it’s clinging to it, as if its life depends on it. And it’s distorting your current reality, creating suffering by attaching stories to past events.
Why are we so addicted to our minds stories that create suffering?
Sure, they are convincing and kinda interesting, but are they worth all the unnecessary suffering?
People wrongly believe that they are their memories; they are their experiences. I had a client once who was shocked when I told her that she wasn’t her experiences. Sure, you can elicit great pleasure from an experience, sure you can learn from your experiences; experiences make up the story of our lives, but you have experiences, you are not your experiences. Maybe that’s how the mind tricks you into holding onto them, by convincing you that giving up your memories of the past is like trying to give up your arm or your leg. You can’t give up an intrinsic part of you.
I know that I’m probably in a minority, but I love change!
Sure, sometimes fears like to hang around and shout “boo!” at me!
But I tend think of them more like Casper the Friendly Ghost type boo’s rather than anything that makes me jump out of my skin and turn back!
You see, I’m a self-confessed natural optimist and I enjoy “different”, I enjoy the novelty of new! I just generally love change because it brings in a fresh breeze of newness to it which I enjoy! What I don’t enjoy is stagnation and sameness. Yawn!
However, I also have a highly sensitive (and jumpy) nervous system that sees danger coming a mile off. You might think that with a jumpy nervous system that’s always looking ahead for trouble on the horizon, I would want to stay away from change! But, nope, I can keep one eye on future danger and plan for it and one eye on the excitement of change now!
You see, I realised a while ago that it’s not my nervous system that keeps me feeling safe in the face of change. What actually makes me feel secure in the face of change are the following:
- The truth that the universe is not static and therefore change and evolution is hardwired into the system so you may as well go with the flow of the Universe.
- Intuition coupled with faith: that I can face any challenge and be ok, is a key part of my optimistic outlook in life. I have an inner faith in my ability to adapt to even the hardest of circumstances.
- Fear feeds on the mysterious, so I like to learn from other people’s experiences, to prepare me for whatever may lie ahead. By not sweeping “scary subjects” like illness or death under the rug, but taking a good look at them, and figuring out how these things feel and how I might navigate my own experience, I am not afraid of many of the things many people are afraid of. I like to take things out of the shadows and make an effort to understand to them and befriend them.
- I made a commitment a long time ago to accept, embrace and enjoy change as an opportunity to grow. This allows me to believe that change is always as it is meant to be, even if I don’t like or wouldn’t choose that change, I know if I see it through, I will always be ok and not just ok – there will always be the gift of growth, at the very least. Sure sometimes I might whine, “I don’t want to grow anymore, I’m tired!” but it’s only a initial whine before I get with the programme!
- If there is one thing I know for sure, is that resistance to “what is”, is futile. You just have to accept, embrace and move through anything that is not your preference with as much ease and grace as you can muster and before you know it, you’ll be through it and out the other end! Everything in the physical world is temporary and impermanent, so whatever I am experiencing I know is temporary and I believe there is a way through, I just need to work to find it. When I had M.E/CFS I always believed that I would recover. I didn’t know how, but I believed there was a way and set about finding it. It took blood, sweat and a lot of tears, but eventually I did recover.
How you feel about change is one of the keys to non-suffering.
The nature of the physical Universe is impermanence. Everything is temporary because it’s constantly evolving: so by its very nature, change is embedded in the cosmos. So, when we cling to anything we go against the very fabric/nature of the Universe.
When we cling (to the static parts of ourselves) we say we feel stuck. It feels uncomfortable, but why? Because change is the natural way the universe and clinging/being attached feels unnatural.
And yet we love to cling to what we know. The love of the familiar. Most people like their environment to be knowable and predictable. It feels safe.
But there is nothing safe in a static life. Sure sometimes we need a rest, a break or a slow down, that’s not the same. A static life is more about resistance to creating change or allowing the flow of life to move you forward.
Have you ever convinced yourself that everything is “fine” whilst on an inner level your discontent grows? The gap between static self and authentic evolving self, widening due to fear of what the change might bring?
Attachment causes unnecessary internal emotional and mental suffering. The Buddhists are very right on this point! It’s not the event or the experience that causes the suffering it’s our mental attachment to the experience or event that causes the suffering.
Nothing in the universe is the same from one moment to the next. The universe is in constant wonderous interconnection and interaction that creates constant change, with every thought, feeling, mood, word and interaction. Our minds may not perceive the constant change, but it is happening anyway.
I have had friends and clients who have come to me looking for solutions to their stuck situation and I have brainstormed many ideas for them. And with each suggestion, I’m often met with, “Oh, I tried that before, that didn’t work”. Whenever I suggest trying again, the world may have changed, they look at me skeptically, but if they begrudgingly agree to “give it another go” they often find to their surprise a more receptive world. The world isn’t static and sometimes, you need divine timing!
I once had a creative acquaintance who was struggling financially, I brainstormed many helpful ideas but I just couldn’t shake the idea that if he offered workshops on Groupon it would work out well for him. He gave me a look that could kill when I suggested it, and told me in no uncertain terms “No! Absolutely not!” I found out later that he did do it, he loved the experience of the workshops and it resolved his financial issues. This same guy shot daggers at me when I suggested that I saw him working in a different artistic medium and he should carry a notebook around with him to sketch ideas in a new medium. If looks could kill, I swear I would not be here today, but a month later, I hear he applied to do a degree in mixed visual arts, the term had already started but the University and the Universe moved everything in place and within 2 days of applying he was starting his new degree and he was loving it. Change feels hard, until you try it. When you are in alignment the Universe makes it easy!
Society loves to quote Darwin and the “survival of the fittest” theory, which has been largely disproven these days, however, if we look at nature, adaptability seems to be the most essential element of survival.
Ever watch a nature program and wonder in awe at how life on earth has adapted over millennia?
Life evolves. Sometimes super slowly sure, sometimes rapidly to try and survive in rapidly unfavourable conditions. Those that can adapt, survive, those that can’t unfortunately perish.
When something doesn’t go as you wish, how good are you at adapting?
How good you are at adapting, is usually down to how quickly you can accept your current circumstances and let go of the old and create a new.
Sometimes, sure you need to grieve what you must leave behind, but the faster you move to acceptance the quicker you can find a positive way to adapt to the new situation and be able to thrive once more.
Often you may have to first cope with the shock, then accept, let go of the past, imagine the new, adapt thoughts and behaviour and then thrive. But notice, that these are all internal processes.
So next time you feel stuck or change comes knocking at your door, welcome it in, give it a seat, ask what it needs to be happy, healthy and thrive and go about giving it that.
When you embrace change, you will notice that suffering subsides, power and agency returns to you, you return back to the flow of life, you regain trust in yourself and the Universe and then well watch out world here you come!