Sometimes, the authentic path can feel a bit lonely, because not everyone has done the inner work, so you may speak from your authentic soul, but it may not always land with those listening.
I am very experienced in receiving blank looks or people invisibly backing away when I speak from my authentic self. But being authentic means that I no longer edit myself, I don’t dumb down, I just give a truth about my experience and if they don’t understand it, I figure it’s for them to do the work to understand me, it’s not my job to change my authentic self to make them comfortable.
But having said that, on the spiritual path you learn that discernment is an essential tool in many areas of life and it’s very important when it comes to your authenticity.
Why?
Because your most treasured experiences deserve an appreciative audience. And so, discernment means sharing authentically but choosing what part of your authentic experience you choose to share and with whom.
My soul remembers and appreciates many different levels of an experience. I have many passions and so sharing authentically can be me talking about how much I love new foods, art, architecture, natural beauty, wildlife, the people I encounter, music, or the things that make me laugh etc. But my deeper authentic self loves to talk about the energy, the things that moved me, the stuff that makes most people run away!
When we returned from Japan, because we had visited many places in 3 weeks, people would ask me about which places I liked the most. I always answered first in energetic terms as I genuinely thought that was the most interesting part of my experience! But everyone looked at me blankly like I wasn’t being very helpful, so I would move on to talk about other parts of my experience like food, zen temples, gardens, the culture and the people.
I still shared authentically but I added in more tangible aspects too.
Very few have therefore heard about what I personally consider the most memorable aspects of my trip. The following 2 experiences had a profound and lasting impact on me and were my true highlights of my trip and I’m going to share these now because part of my authenticity journey is to be more vulnerable and open without fear, so I feel called to share these experiences;
In Nagano we stayed at Buddhist Lodgings connected to Zenko-ji Temple. We were very excited to be staying at these lodgings and on the 1st day we walked around the main temple complex ourselves, taking it all in. But the next day a guide took us to the temple for early morning, daily prayers. My mind had already decided that unfortunately, I didn’t think that I was going to enjoy this so much, as it seemed like it was going to be a very ritualistic ceremony (opening the door to the Buddha statue, offering the Buddha statue some milk etc), and I don’t enjoy religious rituals. But I sat there with an open mind to the experience. The Abbot came first and recited prayers and performed rituals, and it was interesting and enjoyable, then many left as the Abbess began her rituals and led her set of prayers and chanting (I didn’t even know this was a title (Abbess) before then, but as a feminist I was annoyed that people would leave once the male Abbot was finished so I wasn’t going anywhere – womens solidarity and all!) .
But then something unexpected happened, as the Abbess began chanting, I started crying. And I couldn’t stop. Something in the Abbess’s presence and chanting opened up my heart and tears just rushed out. That’s what it felt like, like my heart suddenly opened wide and tears that had been long suppressed rushed out.
After the ceremony, you could line up and have both the Abbot and Abbess bless you (you all stand in a line outside the temple (bowing your heads) and they come along the line and tap their prayer beads on your head) – again, something I would normally do just to participate, but not because I expected anything profound from it. But because I had had a profound experience earlier, I genuinely wanted to stand in line for the blessing from the Abbess. Before the ceremony, we had stood in line and the Abbot had blessed us and I didn’t feel anything special.
But as the Abbess neared, the tears started to well up again. Her presence opened up something in my soul again, and I was slightly embarrassed as our guide said, “She does something to you, right?” and all I could do was nod, tears streaming down my face.
During our stay in Japan we had visited many famous temples and each left an impression on us for different reasons, but there was something different here. The energy in Nagano was most certainly peaceful, but on a deeper level once opened up, my heart felt a sense of belonging and peace that I hadn’t expected. This was a place that spoke to me. Not because it was the first place that Buddhism arrived to in Japan, but because my soul knew that I needed an opening that was only available here.
I’ve thought about it a lot since, and I think I know why the Abbess’s presence touched me so deeply– it was her soul’s innocence that spoke to me and reminded me of my own. The spiritual path in many ways is a return to innocence and it’s one which I have long yearned to rediscover within myself. That day my heart opened, and I recovered a part of it. And it left me teary and speechless.
Nagano has a special place in my heart and it’s a place I would like to return and spend longer there.
Another experience I had in Japan is one I began to talk about with people but then realised that no-one understood what I was talking about and that was D.T Suzuki’s “Museum” in Kanzawa.
D.T Suzuki was a Zen scholar who taught Zen to the West and has written many books on Zen.
We had gone to Kanazawa primarily to visit one of the most famous gardens in Japan: Kenroku-en. This garden is considered to be in the top 3 of perfect Japanese gardens in both design and execution. We got up before dawn to visit it and it was very beautiful and serene but it didn’t blow me away as I was expecting. Later that day, we visited the D.T Suzuki Museum.
The moment I walked toward D.T Suzuki’s place the energy stopped me in my tracks and I gasped.
I really gasped. It took my breath away in a way I was not expecting.
It’s a modern 1 storey building, but something in the energy and architecture rendered me speechless again.
This time was different to Nagano.
I felt such a harmony of building, person and philosophy the likes of which I had never experienced. Perfect Alignment.
I should preface this by saying that I have been around the world and I have experienced many world-famous and beautiful buildings, but no building and it’s energy has ever felt like this one.
It was like everything was in perfect harmony. It was whole and it was perfect; complexity brought down into a simple elegance. It was Zen personified, and it was so in alignment it took my breath away.
Even now, I can’t do it justice. Photos don’t do it justice. All I can say is that the perfect alignment was literally breathtaking.
At the time I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, I just knew that the feeling was something to be treasured and never forgotten. Not only not forgotten but on an inner level something to find within myself.. I had never experienced perfect alignment in a person, object or anything before. Yet, here was this modern building teaching me one of the most important lessons of my life. What perfect alignment felt like. Once you experience it, trust me, you never want to let it go.
I didn’t want to leave! I would have liked to stay there permanently! And I was weirdly protective of it, I didn’t want to share it with anyone else! I wanted it all to myself so I could understand and live it! It exuded perfect peace. There are no words for it. The energy was like nothing I have every experienced anywhere else: not in any religious or sacred building anywhere in the world. And now that my soul has experienced it, it longs for that feeling again.
We visited many outstandingly beautiful places in Japan including the Moss Temple in Kyoto which was another beautiful and memorable experience, but whenever someone says the word “Japan”, the only place I see is D.T Suzuki’s Museum, it calls to me. It feels like home.
I love to travel and I have been lucky enough to have visited many places that I have fallen in love with the natural beauty, the people, the architecture, the food, the art, the culture! But in visiting Japan, I experienced for the first time- the energy of each place which such clarity.
I tried talking to a number of friends and colleagues who do energy work, but they don’t actually feel energy, so even though this was the most important aspect of my trip for me and my authentic self, many don’t understand when I talk about “the energy of a place”.
Maybe you are reading this and wonder what I mean too! I hope my explanation goes some way to explaining it. Energy is not like the physical, it is experienced, it’s not about words, or what you feel through your senses, so finding the words can sometimes seem to clunky to describe the experience, but I hope to have offered an insight into my experience.
There is a whole energetic world out there co-existing with the physical. But the physical is so easily available : you don’t normally have to do any work to experience the physical because you experience it through your senses naturally. But the energy world is more subtle, you have to soften and expand your awareness to let it in, so most people miss the energetic experience of a place. But for me, it’s the most interesting, most informative, and exciting aspect of a place.
In sharing my experiences of Japan here, if you have read to the end then, I consider you to know me better than most people on Earth, because what I have shared here are 2 of the most dearest memories I hold of my life so far. This is not an exaggeration. If you understand them, then you understand me, everything else you know about me is just sprinkles.
Invincible, Eternal Love, Gratitude & Hugs,
Sharon x